Colorado Life Coach: Hurt people hurt people

421718459_12c4272307_zYou’ve probably heard this saying before, Hurt people hurt people.

What does it mean?

When people are hurting desperately, they just want the pain to end. If they’ve not worked through their emotional baggage, they may not have learned how to treat others while they’re in pain. Instead, they:

*Blame

*Accuse

*Pile on

*Twist

*Insult

*Say cruel things

*Lash out

Not a pretty list of words.

Anger is a secondary emotion.

Did you know anger is easier to access than sadness or hurt? It’s also more socially acceptable. Anger can make you feel powerful, and vulnerability can feel powerless. If you’ve been hurt by showing your weakness in the past, it may feel unsafe to do it again. Instead, you may just get angry.

Like many unhealthy alternatives, you may feel better…for a short time. But then, you may have feelings of remorse, bitterness, resentment, hostility, shame, or self-pity. Anger never solves anything. That’s because anger wasn’t the true emotion.

If you hide the true emotion, you can’t heal it.

So, what can you do?

If you’re the one who’s hurting, ask yourself what the true emotion is. What are you sad about? Where does the anger come from? What have you lost? What are you afraid of?

Find a safe place to express your feelings. Journal about it. Talk to someone who will listen without judgment. Tell them you’re scared, but you know you need to talk about this. Make sure it is someone who won’t encourage you to be angry, or blame others. Ask them to just listen to your heart. You need compassion and empathy for your hurting heart to heal.

Work on figuring out what’s going on under the anger. Start expressing your sadness and hurt more than anger. Seek out a counselor or coach to help you understand what’s going on, help you express it more appropriately, and move on to a more emotionally healthy life.

What if someone lashes out in anger toward you? Take a step back. Catch your breath. Disconnect emotionally for a moment. Ask yourself, “What are they sad about? What’s really going on? What’s under the anger?” If they are threatening either physically or emotionally, leave them until a later time. Safety comes first. Call the police if you feel unsafe, and can’t diffuse the situation or get away. If the situation doesn’t escalate, and you are in the emotional space to deal with someone’s pain, try to engage them on a deeper level.

Tell them you will talk to them, if they calm down.

Express your concern for their pain and sadness.

Ask if they’d like to share what’s really going on.

Be prepared to listen without judgment.

Express compassion and empathy.

See what happens.

You may be the catalyst for them to look underneath their anger to the pain. Now healing can begin.

Most people have never experienced kindness when they are angry. Their anger is met with others’ anger. In response, they feel afraid of the anger coming back at them, so they get more angry to prevent them feeling helpless.

It’s a crazy cycle!

What if you meet their anger with kindness? This does not mean allowing them to bully or abuse you. It just means you take the high road, and try to help them lower their need to feel powerful.

I’ve seen it work wonders! It’s amazing to watch someone who’s red in the face and fuming, suddenly well up with tears of sadness. You may be able to honor a person’s pain by becoming a safe person for them.

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

Colorado Life Coach: The Blessing of Insomnia

Screen Shot 2014-08-16 at 11.07.58 AMSounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?

Having struggled with insomnia for 13 years, the words blessing and insomnia don’t seem to go together!

I’m in the middle of a really bad month for sleep, the second worst time in 13 years. In 2005, I didn’t sleep at all for 5 months. I thought I was going to die.

Here’s what it’s like:

~I’m so tired, and can’t wait for bedtime.

~I do all the things I’ve heard to do: take a bath, drink calming tea, darken the room, turn off all lights, set a regular bedtime, etc.

~I pray and ask God to please give me a good night’s sleep. He knows how tired I am. He made my body and created the need for sleep. Certainly, he will provide for me this night.

~I thank him for my blessings today.

~Ahhh, slee…wait, it’s now 1:00 and I’m still awake.

Well, that’s how it starts anyway. After several weeks of no sleep, I can add in:

~Take the sleeping meds prescribed by the psychiatrist.

~Beg God with everything in me.

~Pray against spiritual warfare trying to make me think I will die.

~Listen to the silence and imagine the rest of the world sleeping.

~Take more meds if I’m still awake at midnight.

~Start to panic at 4:00, because I know I have clients, or whatever, and I don’t have the strength.

And so it goes. Night after night.

During the daytime, I fight to get something done, anything done. I learn to schedule meetings and appointments after 10 am, and leave breaks in the afternoon to lay down. I know I won’t sleep, but my dry eyes need to close. I try to stay positive and do things to help me stay healthy: eat right, exercise when I can do it safely, take vitamins.

I try not to make excuses and talk about it all the time, but whenever someone asks how I’m doing, or comments on the bags under my eyes, I say, “I’m exhausted.” Then I get all sorts of advice, from those who don’t really know what it’s like not to sleep for days, weeks, or months at a time.

Have you tried Melatonin?

Drink warm mild before bed.

If you’d let God deal with you during the day, he wouldn’t have to keep you up at night.

Take Ambien, it knocked me out when I couldn’t sleep.

I know they are trying to help, but this is now a chronic condition. I’ve seen many doctors, had blood work done to check my hormones, had chiropractic adjustments-and then more specialized chiropractic adjustments. I’ve used essential oils. I’ve gotten massages. I’ve used CD’s with sounds that are supposed to impact your brainwaves to make you sleep before the CD ends-I’ve listened to the CD for 7 hours straight with no sleep. I’m sure there are more things I’ve done, but with my sleep deprived brain, I can’t think of them.

If you can Google it, I’ve probably tried it.

So, where’s the blessing, you might be asking?

The blessing is, I trust God. He’s gotten me through this before, and he’ll get me through it again. I don’t know how long it will take this time, but I’m going to see my old friend, the psychiatrist this week, so hopefully I’ll be sleeping very soon. I don’t panic anymore. I know I can survive for very long period of time with no sleep. My body gets to rest at night. My eyes get to close. My mind gets to drift and not think. I’ve learned to live with the head fog. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I get something done in the midst of this trying time. Today, I wrote a blog!! I hear God’s words deep in my heart, “I love you. It’s going to be OK, I’ve got this. It won’t last forever.”

I’m becoming softer. Things don’t bother me as much as they used to. I have more compassion for people. I don’t allow other people’s issues to take me out, like before. I don’t have time or energy for things that don’t truly matter. If I can only do one productive thing today, you can bet I’ll make it something that is important.

And that’s a blessing!

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

 

 

Colorado Life Coach: The Last Day Before 50

IMG_0925I would love to be the expert.

I’m going to be 50 tomorrow, and I always thought by this time in my life, I’d be through learning all the hard lessons. I thought I’d have worked through the relational issues, and my family would be the example of how to do things right.

Here’s the truth:

My life has had it’s share of trauma, and because of this:

~My heart still hurts

~I cry a lot

~I only sleep through the night when I take medication

~I suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). I didn’t know that parenting a traumatized child, would traumatize me.

~I struggle with self-esteem

~I find myself under spiritual attack regularly

~I have fought through mood disorders, and thankfully, I’m on the other side

~My marriage has not been easy. We’ve had great times together, but we still need help finding our way through the trauma. It is in no way easy, or light-hearted much of the time. We have to fight to stay together, and patch up the places that have been broken and battered through the years.

~Our family was traumatized. It wasn’t just a few rough years we experienced, it was trauma. We’re all still recovering. We’re having to learn new ways to communicate without triggering PTSD responses.

Life is hard…still.

I don’t know why, but I thought it would be easier by now.

Other people seem to “have it together.” I see pictures of people my age enjoying their empty nests, traveling, and beginning new adventures.

I bet from the outside, my life looks pretty good too. We take nice pictures. I have lots of facebook friends. I published a book.

We don’t talk much about the pain.

Now, I know people who talk ONLY about the pain. Life is horrible-everyday! They never see the blessings. They live as victims and don’t do anything to make their lives better. They just wallow in the suffering.

I also know people who try so hard. They get counseling or coaching. They read books on how to change their lives. They pray. They believe God. They seek out others to help them. And for some reason, life is still hard.

I don’t get it.

When I meet God face to face, I’ll ask about that. Why do some people suffer so much, and others seem to skate by in life? I’m glad he’s God and I’m not.

My good friend reminded me that my 50th birthday begins my Jubilee Year. I studied this years ago, but looked it up today. In the Biblical Book of Leviticus, a Jubilee year is mentioned to occur every fiftieth year, in which slaves and prisoners would be freed, debts would be forgiven and the mercies of God would be particularly manifest.

“The mercies of God would be particularly manifest.”

This is my prayer: “God, you’ve asked me to trust you. You’ve promised me that you would restore all these broken years. You’ve promised me the marriage I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl (since you put the dream in my heart anyway). Please restore my sleep, my health, heal my PTSD, heal my marriage, heal my family, and build this ministry into what you planned from the start. I know you’re not done with me yet! 50 is young! I have lots of time left, and I ask you to heal me, so you can use me to the full!”

Happy Jubilee to me.

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

Colorado Life Coach: When Bad Things Happen to Good People

3138115825_83295552f9_oBad things happen to good people.

This is reality.

It’s uncomfortable. It’s not fair. But it’s true.

If it’s true, how can we respond?

1. We blame those who suffer. If they truly didn’t do anything wrong, and something bad happened to them, then I’m also at risk. Since I don’t want to deal with that, I’ll come up with something they did to deserve what they got.

~Your dad died. Did you know he smoked for years? I heard he ate tons of beef, and never touched salads! He always was a risk-taker!

~Your child struggles with focus and attention issues. They don’t even discipline that little ruffian! Can you believe they let him act like that in public? No wonder he’s such a problem.

~Your spouse leaves you. If she would have been a better wife, he would have stayed. She really didn’t keep herself in very good shape, can you blame him. I know he had an affair, but if she would have been more available for sex, he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.

~You struggle with sleep. If you’d listen to God when you’re awake, he wouldn’t have to keep you up at night to get your attention. If you’d just…then you’d sleep.

We blame suffering people. What’s up with that? Where’s our compassion? Would we want to be treated that way in the midst of our hardest days?

I think we do it to insulate ourselves. If we can find blame with the person who suffers, maybe we can avoid whatever it is that they did, and we won’t have to go through it too!

If their dad died and he smoked, I’ll make sure not to smoke, and then I won’t die.

If their kid struggles with attention, they must be doing something wrong. I’ll parent correctly, and my children won’t struggle.

If their spouse leaves them, they must not have been a very good wife. I’ll be the best wife. I’ll stay in shape, and have lots of sex, then my husband won’t leave me.

If she struggles with sleep, she must be doing something to make this happen. I’ll listen to God during the day, so he won’t have to wake me up. I’ll do all the right things so I won’t have to deal with this issue!

Here’s the problem. Life is hard. We all suffer. Things happen.

Sometimes things happen to us because of our poor choices or bad character traits. If I keep getting fired because I don’t do what is expected of me, I need to look at myself, and make some changes. But, if I get fired due to poor economic conditions, it wouldn’t feel very loving to have people tell me it was my fault because I didn’t work hard enough. That kind of statement may make the other person feel more stable in their own job, but it doesn’t help me when I’m out of work and scared.

2. We love them. We see their suffering and join them in it. This doesn’t mean we get all depressed and let it take us down. It means we sit with them. We let them talk and cry. We don’t rush them through their pain. We listen some more, or sit next to them in silence.

I’ve found that God’s grace has gotten me through most of the issues listed above. (My spouse never left me)! I had friends say most of those comments. They made me feel even more sad, more alone, and more scared. There were very few times when people just sat with me through a difficult time. God did! God does!

Here’s the rub: If God allows things that we would consider “bad” to happen to those we would consider “good,” then how do we keep ourselves away from suffering? If it’s not their fault, then it could happen to me, too!

Exactly.

Life is not fair. Life is not easy. But Jesus has promised to walk through it with us, and give us the strength and courage to make it through to the other side.

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

Colorado Life Coach: A Fresh Perspective

Screen Shot 2014-03-12 at 12.01.28 PMDo you ever feel stuck?

Do you want to do something grand, or maybe just more than laundry, but you can’t seem to get past the little things you have to do every day?

I go through seasons where I’m super productive, and things just flow. I also go through seasons where nothing seems to be happening. I feel stuck. Sometimes I’m working through an issue in my life, and it takes lots of effort to deal with it, so great hopes and dreams get put on the back burner for awhile.

Then it happens: BAM!!

~You run into someone who says the perfect thing.

~You watch a movie, and the light bulb clicks on!

~You hear a piece of music, and it speaks directly to your soul.

~You get out in nature, and things become clear.

You get a fresh perspective. Everything falls back into place, and life starts up again.

That happened to me today.

I’ve been tired and a bit sad since publishing my book. It was after all, a sad story. It was hard to live, hard to write, and hard to put out there for others to read. In many ways, it was like a funeral to a very difficult part of my life. And I needed to rest and recover.

I wasn’t sure what was next. I’ve been praying, talking to friends, journaling, and exploring options. I signed up for a new coaching program that includes video teaching and one-on-one coaching. I had my first private coaching session today (via phone).

It was great!!

No need to bore you with details. Here’s the good part:

I told my coach about another mentorship program I’ve done, and named the semi-famous person who taught me so well. I’ve always felt a bit inferior, because, well, you know: I don’t have a name, I haven’t written tons of books, I haven’t spoken here or there, I haven’t…

And then he said it! “Well, I’ve never heard of her before, but I have heard of Carrie O’Toole.”

What??? Check that? Did I hear correctly?

My whole perspective changed. This new, semi-famous coach, speaker, etc. knows MY name. He knows who I am. I don’t need to be someone else. It’s not a competition. I didn’t miss out.

How about you?

Do you compare and wonder if you’re too late? Do you struggle with feeling good enough? Do you find yourself stuck and wondering where to go next, what to do next, what path to walk next?

Yesterday, I talked to God about this. I told him my frustration about not knowing which direction to pursue. I told him I feel unable to do some of what I want to do.

He already knows!

He’s already got it figured out!

He’s got my path lined up for me!

And today, he spoke to me through my new coach. I’ve got what it takes. God lined this up for me, and used it to remind me He’s already lined up the rest of it too.

I can relax. I can calm down.

In case you forgot, God’s got it all lined up for you, too.

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

Colorado Life Coach: For The Emotionally Messy

Screen Shot 2014-06-19 at 5.32.55 PMI’m a wreck today.

I used to be a wreck a lot more often, so when the weepiness starts now, I find myself baffled. What happened? Why am I so emotional? No, it’s not hormones.

It’s the trauma…again.

I’ve lived through some traumatic circumstances that lasted for several years. The counselor calls it “Secondary PTSD” (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

I call it hell.

I’m a pretty smart person-even though I’ve struggled to believe it most of my life. I know a lot about emotions, relationships, communication, growth, spirituality, boundaries, and living a healthy life. People come to me for help.

And yet, I still get triggered by seemingly little things, and here’s what happens:

~My brain shuts down. I can’t think of how to get myself out of the situation. Even though I could talk someone else going through a similar situation, when it happens to me, I can’t think. I can’t remember details. If you ask what happened, you’ll get a blank look.

~My heart starts racing, and I feel unsafe. It doesn’t matter that I know logically that I’m not in danger. I am afraid.

~I feel horribly discouraged. It’s as if all the work I’ve done (and believe me, I’ve done years of work) doesn’t matter. I’m right back there feeling helpless, scared, and totally unprepared to change my circumstances.

I’m powerless.

Understand, I know in my head that I’m not powerless. I have the degree! I wrote the book! I teach the class! I coach the clients! I get it!

But in that moment, I’m powerless. None of the head knowledge matters. My body just knows the trauma.

It happens in less than a second.

Have any of you experienced the RUUUSH up your chest? The sweaty palms? The brain fog? The terror? The memory loss? The panic?

So, after years of counseling (decades, really), EMDR, Neurofeedback, Theophostic Prayer, Journaling, degrees, certifications, trainings, intensives, etc. Here I am.

I’ve been weepy today, but it’s not easy when I don’t have a place to be weepy. It leaks out in the car.

And so I prayed, “Daddy, help me!” “Help me Jesus!” “I’m so tired, I’m scared, I don’t know what to do.”

Through my tears I hear, “I know my sweet baby girl. I know how much it hurts. I know you’re scared. I’ve got you. It’s going to be OK. I’m not done with you. I have so much planned for you. It’s OK. You’re alright. I’m right here with you and you’re safe.”

So, the tears continue, but now out of relief. The kindness overwhelms me once again. I’m not alone in this. I don’t know how I’d make it if I didn’t have God. I truly wish he would just fix this once and for all. But until he does, I’m so thankful for his reassurance, his tenderness to my wounded heart, and his presence in my loneliness.

Do any of you suffer from PTSD? What’s been the most helpful thing in your healing? Please share with me and others here!

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole.

Colorado Life Coach: Welcome to my blog!

Screen Shot 2014-05-21 at 4.07.07 PMWelcome!

I’ve added many new readers this week, thanks to the wonderful women from Sterling, and I wanted to let you know what you may expect from Carrie O’Toole Ministries!

First, you’ll be receiving my blogs weekly. If you’ve missed any, click here to read past issues.

You’ll also be able to check out our podcasts on Mondays and Fridays. The podcast is called, “Broken and Brilliant” where we interview authors, counselors, musicians, and other interesting people who have been through seriously tough times, yet found brilliance along the way.

Want more? Check out my website for information on Life Coaching and relationship groups.

You’ll find my book, Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go here (I’ll sign any copies ordered through my website). Here’s the book trailer.

We’re working on more short films like this one: “Little” and our newest, “Caged.”

If you’re on facebook, please go to Carrie O’Toole Ministries and “like” the page. You’ll be updated regularly on what’s happening in our ministry.

For Twitter users, I’m @CarrieOToole.

Check out Carrie O’Toole Ministries on YouTube and hit “subscribe” to make sure you don’t miss any films or podcasts.

As always, if there are topics or guests you’d like to see on a future podcast, please let me know at carrie@carrieotoole.com

Blessing, and thanks for joining us!

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

Colorado Life Coach: Dealing with Doubt

Image Created by Eric Phillip Einarsen on a Canon EOS Rebel T2iMy book Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go is out there.

It’s my personal story through the most difficult time in my life. I truly believed I needed to, and wanted to write it. It was healing for me. I hope it will bring healing to others.

Any yet, I feel doubt.

Did I do the right thing?

Will this cause more pain?

What about you? Have you ever done something you know you should do, but once it’s done you doubted?

It’s a pretty vulnerable place to be. I almost feel naked, because it’s all out there now. I don’t know who will read it, or what their reaction may be.

Most of the comments have been very positive:

“I just got the book and couldn’t put it down! I’ve been highlighting MY LIFE that I read in it.”

“Truly grateful for the courage it takes to reach out here, and bring these issues to light.”

I knew all the feedback wouldn’t be positive. When we relinquished our child, there was horrible judgment, and I knew we might face it again with the release of the book. It didn’t make it easier to take.

First came the newspaper article. Yes, I knew the journalist could write whatever he wanted, but I truly didn’t like the title of the article: Mom writes book about giving up child. Yuck! How about: Mom finds new home to give child another chance at a family?

I was uninvited from a radio program because of a newspaper article. The host felt I had put my son at risk because of the details in the article. All of a sudden, I was filled with fear.

Did I just ruin everything?

What if I truly harmed him?

What was I thinking? I never should have done any of this!

Oh the fears. I can feel so sure of something before doing it, then all of a sudden the fear takes over. The week before the book came out, I had a few panic attacks out of the blue. I experienced this one time previously, so I knew what it was. It was weird because I wasn’t even thinking about the book. Once I was driving and listening to music, when this anxiety crept up from my stomach, through my throat, and made me cough. Another time, it woke me from a sound sleep. It hit hard, and actually hurt-like I had been coughing from Bronchitis for weeks.

I knew I wasn’t in any danger. My head knew. It felt as if my body didn’t know.

That’s the way it is with trauma. You can’t talk yourself out of it. Even if your brain knows you’re safe, your body tries to protect you. My counselor (yes, I’m in counseling) said I could handle it, and as I felt my strength rise, the panic would subside. That’s exactly what happened. The panic stopped, but the doubts remain.

So I pray.

And God reminds me that he asked me to do this. He reassures me that I didn’t mess up, but even if I did, he could use it for good. He calls to my memory that my desire is to bring healing, and that he had the power to warn me or stop me, and he didn’t. He knows my heart. He says it will be OK, and that he’s in control.

As I finish giving God all my doubt, and having him fill me with peace, I hear him say, “I love you, sweet Caroline…bum, bum, bum.”

The doubts are gone, for the moment. If they sneak back in while I’m not looking, I’ll just go back to God and have him take them away again.

You can order Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go on Amazon, or here if you’d like a signed copy!

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

 

Colorado Life Coach: A Special Message to Mental Health Workers

Screen Shot 2014-03-03 at 5.40.38 PMRAD

Attachment

Trauma

Adoption

Foster Care

So many of us learned about these issues in graduate school. We heard about Attachment Theory. We know more than most of society about these issues, because we’ve read textbooks, written research papers, and studied other people’s research.

And yet, there are some who know much more about this than most of us ever will.

Parents.

My name is Carrie O’Toole. I earned a degree in Human Services specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy 2 years ago. More importantly, I’m an adoptive mom, twice. Our family consists of a son we adopted (now 21) at birth, followed by a birth daughter. We then adopted our 3 1/2 year old son from a Vietnamese orphanage. This adoption went horribly awry.

Before the adoptions, we had some training on attachment, but nothing prepared us for life with our traumatized son. I drove an hour every week for 4 years to see an attachment therapist. We paid him to come to our home on 2 separate occasions. I looked for therapists closer to home, and found myself paying to explain attachment to different counselors. Just because they know about attachment, does not mean they understand how to provide help to these wounded children or their parents.

I attended an attachment training where I was the only non-therapist in the room. They all knew I was the mom of a child with RAD. I learned much, but found it interesting that most of my time was spent answering questions: “Do they really do this?” “What’s it really like?” “How does your daily life look?”

Here is my plea to you: If you are not specifically trained in attachment and trauma, please refer these parents to other therapists.

So many do not understand.

These children do not trust. The counseling relationship is based on trust. These children will manipulate the best therapists, blame the mother, and life at home will actually get worse. Individual therapy does not work with these children. It is a family issue, and needs to be dealt with in terms of family.

We parented our son for 8 years, and his attachment to us never developed. After feeling crazy, blamed, frustrated, unheard, misunderstood, powerless, guilty, and unable to parent my own child, we made the unbelievably difficult decision to relinquish our son to another family.

Since then I earned my degree, started a ministry, developed a group intensive to help others understand their relationship styles and become more secure (based on Attachment Theory) and wrote a book.

Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go is my memoir with a message.

Would you please read it? Learn what these parents and children experience. Learn what works and what doesn’t. Pass it on to your therapist friends and coworkers. Much needs to be done to bring awareness to the impact of traumatized children, what happens if they don’t attach (develop consciences, empathy, etc), and how to help these families.

Check out the trailer.

This important book will be available on Amazon on Mother’s Day, or preorder here.

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole, M.A.

 

 

Colorado Life Coach: A Special Message To Pastors

Screen Shot 2014-03-03 at 5.40.38 PMDear Pastor, Minister, Priest, or Church Leader,

Do you have adoptive, foster, or step families in your congregation?

Were some of the children in your church wounded through trauma early in life?

If so, please continue reading.

Parents of these wounded children experience life much differently than those without traumatized children. What you see at church may be much different than what happens in the privacy of their homes. Children who experience trauma early in life can struggle with attachment to their parents (especially mom), and they reject the very love they need. This comes out at home in difficult behaviors that they hide from the rest of the world. Some of these behaviors include:
Superficial charm
Lying
Manipulation
Playing mom and dad against each other
Lack of eye contact on parent’s terms
Indiscriminate affection with strangers
Refusing parental affection
Destructive to self, others, and material things
Cruelty to animals
Stealing
Lack of impulse control
Lack of conscience
Lack of empathy

This is a short list of behavior some of the parents in your congregation live with continually. Regular parenting methods don’t work with these children. In fact, they backfire and make the behaviors worse.

Watch the mothers of these children. Do they seem angry? Isolated? Depressed? Frustrated? Hyper-vigilant? Frazzled? Foggy? Confused?
They have been blamed for their children’s behavior, and at the same time, rejected by the child they love so dearly.

Would you help?

My name is Carrie O’Toole, and I’ve written a book called Relinquished: When Love Means Letting Go. Take a look at this short trailer.

Would you consider reading the book and passing it on to these members of your congregation? Ask them if their lives are similar and how your church can better support them in parenting these children who struggle against those who love them. Offer the book in your church bookstore. My hope is that these parents will find the help and support they need so they don’t find their only option relinquishment.
But even if they do, would you continue to love and support them?

The book will be available through Amazon on Mother’s Day 2014. It’s available for pre-order now.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions or comments. Please share with other pastors you may now. Let’s help these families while they’re in our lives!

Carrie O’Toole, M.A.
Board Certified Christian Life Coach
www.carrieotoole.com
carrie@carrieotoole.com


Contact Carrie O’Toole to schedule a confidential telephone call or appointment for coaching.