Had some more intensive therapy last weekend! Welcome to my life.

In a weird way, I kinda like digging around, figuring it out, and trying new things.

I also kind of hate it. It’s hard work changing things I’ve done, or ways I’ve looked at things my whole life.

Well anyway, one of the things I need to change is how I fill myself up emotionally. I’ve known this is my responsibility in my head for a long time. I teach it, for goodness sake! For some reason, it hasn’t gotten all the way in–you know, like the layer of an onion, or something like that.

I’ve felt sad since the weekend. I think I’ve been grieving for that little girl inside me who really wanted people to take care of her little heart. I’m all grown up now, physically, but she’s still in there begging to be loved in just the right way.

Is it only me?

So, I’ve been talking to God about this. Sometimes I just think about it, and know he’s listening. Sometimes I write about it (some people call it journaling). It goes something like this: God, why is it so hard to change? Why do I still feel so needy? Why does it have to be so hard to change? Why can’t you just change_____(fill in the blank), and then I’d feel better?

I know God hears me. Sometimes I even hear him talking back to me. I have to watch who I say that too, because in the world of counseling and psychology, some people might think I’m Schizophrenic! Through the years, I’ve learned how to tell if it’s God talking to me. Click here, if you’d like to read more about that!

In the last few days, I’ve mainly been telling him how sad I am. I’m sad that some people don’t want as deep of a relationship with me as I want with them (or at least in the same way). I realize I need some more girlfriends–can I still use that term at age 49? I need people who will give me a big “yahoo!” when I have exciting news! I need several people to whoop and holler with me! That fills me up, and I can’t always get it from my husband (especially when he’s at work…with people in his office).

So, on goes the grieving, the praying, the recognizing I need some more friends.

And then…

I went to vote.

I went to the place I voted last year, but it’s not there anymore. I went to the post office, and a lady told me where to go (I get told where to go quite often). I thought I knew the place. I drove over and parked, but the place looked empty. Then this one lady walked out. I started to ask her if this was the right place and realized it was an old friend.

And here’s where God showed me how much he really likes me!!!

She said, “Oh my gosh, I was just going to call you today!”

You see, a small group of my friends have been meeting for a book club for a long time and I couldn’t do it while I was in school. They lost a few members and were just talking about inviting ME last night. She said they all wanted me to join!

Do you know how badly my heart needed to be invited?

Has your heart ever longed to be invited?

Do you know how much I needed this right at this very time?

I told her what I’ve been dealing with and how thrilled I was to be wanted!

Does God really like me, or what?

As a wise young man once told me, there are no positive coincidences!

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole.