Do you ever feel guilt at Christmas?

It seems like many people are willing to offer their opinions on how to do Christmas: You should be with your extended family, you should have time with just family at home, you should invite those who don’t have family, you should help at the local rescue mission, you should go to church, you shouldn’t spend much on Christmas, you should buy more for Christmas, you should remember what Christmas is all about.

When I was young, we went to one set of grandparent’s home on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day. We set our gifts out on our beds so any visitors could see what we got. What’s funny about that is no one came to our house, we went to other people’s homes!

After Bob and I got married and had kids, we usually spent Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas with his. We had some communication and boundary issues, however, and Christmas Day was super stressful. We ripped our gifts open in the morning and raced over to be with family. Our kids didn’t get to enjoy the gifts they got from us, because we had to hurry to open more gifts with our extended family. There were years the kids got so many presents they were totally overwhelmed and ended up having absolute meltdowns. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do about it.

I read an article on how to downsize Christmas and we began a new tradition in our family. We now give the kids 3 gifts and some things in their stockings. The gifts signify those brought to Jesus by the Wisemen: Gold: something of value that they can’t buy for themselves (wrapped in Gold foil paper for easy identification!). Frankincense: something warm and cozy, and Myrrh: something that will provide them an opportunity to grow closer to God. This helped with the overabundance of gifts.

When Brendan was 16 he said, “I only have a few more years here. Will we EVER have a Christmas at our house?” That really hit us, and we determined to change things. Since then we have either stayed at home on Christmas Day, or gone out of town to get away from the pressure of racing from place to place. This year we will stay home during the day, go to see Les Miserables with friends who don’t have extended family in town, then return to our home for dessert.

Somewhere along the way, I believed you shouldn’t do anything but be with family on Christmas. Where did that come from? I don’t believe I heard anyone say that. I just assumed. I felt pressure to do things right.

What is right?

I prayed about this today. Sometimes I’m too busy at Christmas. Sometimes I spend too much. Sometimes I won’t get a gift I really want to buy for someone, because I feel guilty for spending too much (what is too much?) even if I budgeted for gifts and have the money.

Even if I don’t do it well, it’s still Christmas! God still came for me! He still loves me! I express love the best I know at the time. I’m not perfect, but I try to show love to those around me. Whatever I do, I want to be thankful for what I have and those I love. I make choices and can try something else next Christmas if it doesn’t turn out the way I hoped this year!

Am I cracked? Yes! And God loves me!

Please share how you have felt guilt at Christmas!

This blog post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole