When Family Turns Against You: Parenting Kids With Trauma

We had just been out to dinner with family to celebrate a birthday. Getting ready had been a nightmare with the incessant questions, observations, and nonsense chatter. The ride there consisted of arguing and trying to calm everyone’s anxiety. During dinner, my uncle scolded me for not controlling my child better, “He just needs a good swat on the read end.” They don’t understand. This isn’t how you parent a child with early trauma.

“No one believes me.”

I’ve heard this hundreds of times. Clients share their stories of parents or other family members who used to respect them, suddenly turning against them after they bring a child with a history of trauma into their homes.

Here’s how it works: Before a child with trauma entered your family, everyone saw you as a loving, skilled, intelligent human being. You were humble, in fact, you sought wisdom and counsel. When you struggled and asked for help, you examined your part in the problem, listened to the advice of others, and made changes. You did the hard work of growth. People respected you.

Then trauma entered the picture.

Please hear me. I am not attacking the traumatized child. The child did not cause this to happen. They didn’t wish it on themselves. It’s absolutely NOT their fault.

Trauma changes people. It rewires brains. It causes children who are made to connect and attach and allow their parents to care for them to fight as if their lives depend on it.

Mom is not safe, in their wounded little eyes. She is the enemy. Love is scary. Trust is almost impossible. If they let you in, they believe they will die. So they fight you on everything. But usually not in front of other people.

In front of Grandma and Grandpa (and teachers, pastors, coaches, your best friends) they are the masters of charm. Everyone loves them. They don’t show the terror inside them, which presents itself in lying, manipulating, cruelty, injury to self or others, destruction, rages, refusal to do the most basic things. They aren’t living in fight or flight mode when others are around. No one sees it but you.

So you do what you’ve always done. You ask for help. But this time, everyone thinks YOU are the problem. They don’t understand this crazy world of trauma. It doesn’t show itself to them. So you begin to wonder if they are right. You really are the problem. Maybe you are crazy. Maybe you’re imagining all of this weird stuff you live with daily. But, you know you’re right. Why won’t anyone believe you?

This is the battle so many of my clients live daily.

I get it! I know how you feel. I’ve felt it myself. Here’s what I’ve found, both in my own life, and the lives of my clients: there is hope.

As an adoptive parent, there are steps you can take to overcome misunderstandings with your extended family.

  1. Remember you are a normal (somewhat) human being living in a crazy situation. People are not going to see what they can’t see. Trauma does this to people. Remember who you are. Understand that this is the nature of the beast. Don’t lose yourself in the process. Your heart hasn’t changed. If you are dealing with RAD (reactive attachment disorder), it goes with the diagnosis. No one will truly see what’s going on.That’s why the diagnosis depends on parents reporting what happens in the home.
  2. Until your mom, sister, uncle, or whoever they are live it, or study it, they will not understand. I’m so sorry. That’s just how it is. It stinks. Before I lived it, I never would have believed it either. It’s so much easier to just judge the parents when their kids are either misbehaving in public, or when their kids are behaving like saints in public, but the parents are stressed, anxious, angry, and exhausted.
  3. Remember…You are grieving. It’s so hard when those you love, and have always believed in you, suddenly don’t like what they’re seeing. And they blame you. You need to grieve their inability to understand. Grieve that they aren’t willing or able to go there with you. Grieve that you need to seek help outside of what you thought would be a great support system, when you’re already taxed to the limit. Grieve that your family isn’t as open minded as you thought they were. Grieve that they are judging you and you’ve lost the closeness you used to have (or did you?). Grieve that this is one more area that trauma has impacted.

Hang in there parents. This is a tough season you’re in. I’ve lived it. It’s heartbreaking. Now I coach other families struggling with the effects of trauma in their homes. Click here if you’d like to contact Carrie O’Toole, M.A. for a coaching appointment or speaking engagement.

56 Comments

  1. I wish you could have spoken to our local Children and Youth agency. Our family turned their backs not only on us but our other children as well. We have rebuilt relationships and have become more closed in what we do since our RAD child and dealing with public. We do our best in education but we are definitely branded and shunned by those who just do not have a clue on what RAD children can do to a family. We even had professional talk with family and our child’s “team”. They were scorned by the “team”. We were not part of the “team” since we knew what are child was doing. We had seen it all before.

  2. I enjoyed this article. I think you should add a couple of sentences to #3. “Remember you are grieving the loss of the “normal family” you were trying to create, by adopting. You will grieve this loss for the rest of your life (if the child does not heal)”. It was very hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my “normal”, is CHAOS! My boys are now 20 & 24. “Normal” will never be a part of my relationship with my boys (I am no longer called “mom”. They have a bio-mom who has that name).

  3. kanderson1121@msn.com

    Boy did I need to read this! Even though I have my BA in Family and Child Development and work as a Behavior Intervention Specialist….when it comes to your own child it is almost impossible to deal with. Even my family who I thought I could go to for help or just understanding does not understand. I am told she is just a brat, she needs her butt beat, you let her get by with way to much, you need to take control. No one understands the struggle is real, so very very real!
    Thank you for this read I really appreciated it!

  4. I live the life you have described – 24 hours a day, seven days a week. With four adopted boys, two with significant early childhood trauma, two with less less than significant. Not to mention, a husband who experienced extreme childhood trauma. It’s been hell – absolute hell! Currently, my oldest is living outside of the home because he attempted to sexually assault me. My second oldest is in flight/fight/freeze all the time. And, my husband and I are in the process of divorce. Your correct . . . Until you live it, one truly cannot understand it.

  5. I cried reading this post. It is so true. Here is my problem. After 10 years and now 5 children later the compassion from my family has never gotten better. Their response is, “well what did you expect with so many children and with their history”. I want to scream! The other thing they say is that perhaps my husband and I have done and given everything we can to these children and maybe it is now time for some one else to take them….really? really? My heart has hardened but not for my children. It is often sad for us, our family, my husband and 5 children. I am changed but not in the ways that I expected….I did not ever expect it to be a them or me mentality from my siblings and others. So sad.

  6. But what do aging grandparents do while raising such a child because the mother hates the child as much as the child hates them? All other aspects of this article are spot on, but this is not covered. I received this article by one daughter post g to the other daughter on FB. Now WE are the hated ones by the rest of the family. She doesn’t want him but won’t release him so we can get him the help he really needs. Just more and more drugs, despite one of the 3 docs says he doesn’t need them. This is the path we would like to try. I know it will be difficult and may even prove to be the wrong choice, but we are willing to go through this for him. It has torn our family apart, but I think she is in denial of her part by her hatred and constant anger at him. She just wants him gone.

  7. Carrie, thank you. You really do get it! Your words rang true and hit the mark. My child is not adopted but only recently diagnosed with pragmatic social communication disorder, previously called Asperger’s. Our son is completely unattached to my husband and myself. Thankfully, he does feel safe with his therapist so there is a glimmer of hope. We know that as he has suffered and experienced much trauma due to his social communication challenges, his response is that both my husband and I are nothing to him from his perspective and it is a knife through the heart repeatedly. I thank you for the work that you are doing to remind all of us struggling parents that we are not alone.

  8. Hi there, this is my son all over, he is now 16 and a half and things are getting harder, he is becoming more verbally abusive. He blames everybody else when things go wrong and wants to endless talk about all the things that go wrong. Would share more info but would rather keep it private.

    Thanks

    Julia

  9. As the spouse of someone who experienced significant childhood trauma it gets so complicated where family is concerned. My spouse’s family has behaved in their traumatized way, since they have all avoided reflection and introspection at all costs. My family has been very supportive and minimally judgmental to their great credit. Our children behave like traumatized children, one from the aloofness of the traumatized parent; the other from the screaming sessions between myself, my traumatized spouse and my oldest child who would do anything to get trauma-parent’s attention. Chaos. Perseverance, persistence, always searching for sources of guidance and support. Those things have kept me going. And laughter- as much as I can get.
    Thanks for your post.

  10. Thank you for writing this post. I’ve been interested in fostering and adopting older kids for awhile, but I’ve often wondered if I would be able to handle any emotional baggage that came along with it. I would be interested in reading more posts on this subject.

  11. This relates to the thousands of children in out of home care as well as adoptees. Often this behaviour is in front of others & therefore those family & social connections dwindle to nothing creating even more difficulties……

  12. I wish I’d found you 30 years ago. My life is ruined, again and my daughter’s is too. The effects of the trauma, and everything you are talking about. I fell into my “role” again.

  13. I can so relate to this. I received all kinds of so called ideas on how to handle meltdowns, and other behaviors that they thought of unacceptable. In fact, I was even told that it was my fault because I adopted my children! I never could figure that out. My friends were more accepting than my family, which led to spending less time with family and my children were closer to our friends than Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. But, I decided it is there loss not mine.

  14. I felt like you were speaking my story. Thank you so much for this. I needed to hear that and will read it again. Daily.

  15. Hi Wendi, I’m so very sorry for the response you received from your family and your agency. It’s such a tough dynamic. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Blessings as you move forward.

  16. Hi Kim, I relate to your comments as well! Yes, it is grieving the “normal family.” You are not alone in losing part of your relationship with kids who struggle from early trauma. Blessings as you move forward.

  17. Thank you for your comment. It is very very real for sure! Isn’t it amazing that even with all of your (our) education and training, we still weren’t prepared? It truly is different when you’re living it every day.

  18. Hi Mary Kay, Thank you so much for your comments. I am so very sorry for your situation. Trauma is so destructive to all involved. I’ve lived through my own hell, and have fought hard to come back. Please continue to work towards healing. There is life on the other side. Blessings.

  19. Hi Patricia, Thank you for your comments. You are certainly not alone in this. “I am changed but not in the ways I expected” what a truth that is. I’m so sorry for your loss of family. You truly can relate. Blessings to you and your family as you move forward.

  20. Hi Roxanna, Thank you for your comments. I cannot write about this topic, because it’s not my experience. My suggestion would be to reread the blog with the thought of really trying to understand how your daughter may have felt, and what her experiences with trying to parent her son were. Maybe you could begin to understand what has happened to your little girl that would cause her to not be able to parent her own son. Unless she has always been mentally unstable, there is a chance that raising a traumatized child has traumatized your daughter. Is there a way to reach out to her with compassion and empathy to begin rebuilding your family?

  21. Hi Claire, thank you for commenting. Trauma impacts everyone differently, as you can attest. I am so sorry for your family struggles. You are not alone in this for sure!

  22. Hi Julia, Thank you for your comments. Many people see behaviors get progressively more complex during the teen years. Please make sure to take care of yourself and seek counsel or coaching. Let me know if you’d like to schedule an appointment to share things privately.

  23. Hi A, Thank you for your honest comments. Trauma certainly complicates family relationships! So glad you can find the laughter in the middle of it. I was not very good at that (until later as the trauma healed). Blessings.

  24. Hi Lauren, Thank you for commenting. I’m so thankful you’re doing your research before you foster or adopt older children! Many people do it very successfully and it can be an amazing thing. You must deal with any of your own baggage first, or it will really get triggered when the children’s trauma is being triggered. Check out my book, http://www.carrieotoole.com/product/relinquished-when-love-means-letting-go/ and film http://forfeitingsanity.vhx.tv
    If you’d like some coaching to see what you should be aware of, and what to work on as you process your decision, let me know!

  25. Hi Tracy, thank you for your comment. Mental illness often plays a part in traumatized children. It is very important to have them screened, so you know if you’re only dealing with trauma, or if there is also a mental illness.

  26. Hi Vanessa, You’re so right! I was writing specifically about children in the home, but when it is necessary to provide care out of the home, families often do not understand. So very difficult.

  27. Hi Kathy, I wish I’d found the help years ago as well. I am so sorry for your pain. Please continue seeking help. I have recovered greatly from my trauma. Let me know if you’d like to schedule a coaching appointment and I’ll walk through it with you!

  28. Hi Susan, thank you for commenting. You are one of many responding. You are not alone! This is absolutely a function of trauma. I’m so sorry for your losses. Blessings as you move forward.

  29. Thank you for posting this article! It is totally my life. We have biological children and adoptive children. Our second adoptive child has been here in the states for 2 years and it has been a constant fight with me! She targets myself and my youngest biological daughter all the time (who happens to be 2 yrs older than her). She has hurt and offended my daughter and myself for so long that her and my other daughter barely talk. However she will blatantly so attention to and respect to all the other brothers and sister. She treats my husband with respect and love. With me it is nothing but arguments and defiance. If my husband ask her to do something : no problem she will . On the other hand, I could ask her the same thing and it is a argument !! Then when I bring it up to her my husband or my oldest daughter (18), will degrade my authority right in front of her. I am totally grieving my normal family at this point !! And hanging on by a tread!!!!!!

  30. Thank you. Sadder than sad but no truer words were ever spoken! We adopted six. Three are living outside the family home. Severe trauma as very young children. Difficult to accept that the children you poured your heart and soul into can walk away from the only family they have ever known. ( A 15 daughter has even accused me of abuse and neglect) Oh, and our biological adult children… they walked away from us too…with our grandchildren. Heart wrenching… to core of ones existence. Years of therapy ahead for me my husband and us!

  31. Roxanna I might be able to help. I am 53 and have guardianship of my 13 year old granddaughter. Her mother has nothing to do with her and my child really doesn’t care to talk to her Mom. When you get guardianship the parents don’t lose their rights but you don’t have to check with them about everything you are doing for your child. I would also suggest getting a counselor. We have been in counseling for years and I told the counselor when it became clear trying to have visits with her bio Mom was causing my child stress I told her bio Mom we were stopping visits until my child was ready. When she is ready she will let me know and I will tell her Mom. But while I told her we were stopping them she hasn’t been in contact regularly at all. Which the counselor has noted. And the reason I say “my child” its because I am raising her and I think when we raise the child we have the right to say “my child”.

    I hope that kind of helps. Good luck

  32. When reading this I could relate it to our family I have also come to realise it’s not my fault, we are caring for my nieces children and I have been through every emotion you spoke of, with most family having an opinion and no longer having contact with us..their loss not ours.

  33. Oh I’m so sorry to read how hard it has been for you and that you were no longer called “Mom”. That is heartbreaking. I agree wholeheartedly wiith the added sentence to remember. It is a very important/big one too! Even if they do heal there is grieving for the period of time lost because there were things that can only be done at certain ages that you never have a chance again.

  34. Yes I have experienced a bit of misunderstanding from my family as well. I took into consideration how there’s no way for them to understand ( unless they also did the reading and research that I did) and so I was proactive to educate them. Those who truly cared and wanted to understand, “got it” and those who didn’t care and just wanted to feel like they were always right, well… I kick the dust off my feet and don’t let them bother me. Seriously I don’t have time for their judgment so they just placed themselves outside the borders of my life. Educating family was key. I will forever be thankful for the education I received at the “model approach to parenting” class that our local Foster care program offered because they helped me understand way before our daughter came home what attachment disorders were. They laid it down in a way that had the entire room in tears of compassion for the children. That day each future child of each family had their chances increased. Chances of being understood by great numbers. I am so thankful for those instructors. I’m not saying it made things perfect, but having the deep, compassionate understanding to that heart wrenching level gave me strength during the worst of times with our daughter. What was taught to me I passed on to my family and those who “got it” were welcome to stay in our life. Period. Here is what the instructors said and did.

    First they compared typical and institutionalized children from the day of birth. They explained how even on the first day of birth it’s typical that baby will have been touched, held, cooed, sang to, fed, kept dry, safe, warm, and cuddled. Many times a day every day.

    Compare this now to a baby in an institution most likely overfull and understaffed. If that baby is lucky they might get an extra touch and a song, otherwise it’s a job so really it comes down to just the basics. Diaper change, here’s your bottle, wipe you down, cover you up. Next!

    That’s just day one. Now imagine missing those kisses, touches, cuddles, and songs for months on end. Even an adult going one week without hugs, kisses, touch, encouragement and w/out their needs being met perfectly will suffer and lose trust of the ones who are expected to fulfill those needs.

    Therein is where my instructor brought up the most important point. At least as an adult we can express our disappointment and ask for what we are missing, wanting, and needing. A newborn baby can only cry for it. In a typical crying scenario a newborn would hear -and quickly become accustomed to -footsteps running, and immediate warm nipple gently pressed into their hungry mouth, diaper immediately changed, sweet lullabies, holding, rocking, playing, laughing, toys and every other form of affection and catering that we love to give our babies. But what happens when an institutionalize baby cries? Sadly many times there’s only quiet…And perhaps the sound of other babies doing the same. No mom, dad, grandma, auntie, or even big brother /sister comes running. There are no kisses. There is no touch, no holding close, no quenching the hunger or thirst. That wet diaper will just keep getting colder, itchy, and begin to burn skin until someone has the time to come around and change it.

    THIS, (our wonderful instructor taught us, )is how babies learned that grownups cannot be trusted. “”Grown-ups do not come help me when I’m scared, grown-ups do not bring me food when I’m hungry, grown-ups do not come. When they do come they do not make me feel better. No one kissed or even wiped away the salty drops running down my cheeks. They just dry there and itch. What can I do to feel better? I didn’t find out I have hands and fingers because someone touched, played with and kissed them. I found out I have hands and fingers because I can feel them when I bang them on the side of my crib. I found out that I can feel my whole body by hitting it and scratching it. It hurts but it feels more painful when nobody touches me so I keep making my own touch. When no one talks to me and fulfills my need to hear things, because that’s what my ears are for, for hearing… I make my own sounds by banging and kicking. -I take care of myself-. Since no one else does. I didn’t find out that rocking feels good because I was snuggled up warm, close to my mommy’s breast as she moved back and forth slowly in a rocking chair. I found out that rocking feels good because when I finally taught myself how to hold my head up I noticed the comfort I get when I bob it up and down and so I kept doing it even when I learned to sit up and even when I learned to crawl, and I will always do it unless someone can prove to me that there is something better.””

    Something better. Now is when adoptive parents step in.… But this child has learned for months and months or years even, that if they need something they have to find ways to get it themselves. Grown-ups cannot be trusted.

    Yet we show up, pick up and think that a wonderful miracle will happen when this child sees how much we love them and how we are there for them. I forgot to add in the little scenario above that hope is an innate God-given quality and each time the baby cries, there is hope that someone will come. But hope can be differed when time after time it turns into lonely unanswered despair. Eventually crying stops and hope dies. So here come mom and dad saying, “trust me” “Forget everything that has and has not happened to you and everything that grownups have PROVEN to you. Abandon the only one who has answered you… Yourself… Yes abandon yourself…and believe us”

    Once we think it through rationally, we realize someone can’t just simply TRUST another just because that person claims to be trustworthy. No…you see, words are just air moving so we need action and a lot of it. The more actions that prove a person trustworthy, the more trust they earn. The more we trust, the safer we feel with them and it is the same, only intensified, with reactive attachment disorder children.

    So, the wonderful instructor said the answer is to “meet their needs” then, meet their needs again, then again, and again and again and again and again…(remember you are undoing months or years of damage)… and again…

    and maybe…

    Just maybe…

    they will give you a tiny teeny, itsy bitsy, eeensy weeeensy morsel of trust. Then celebrate it mom and dad! …And celebrate it BIG!

    There are extra things you can do too, aside from every day life trusting exercises. You can make a game. We had a game called “fall into my arms” our daughters changing table was tall because we are tall and we would make a big fun deal out of her falling into our arms. At first very close up of course but, we would step back a tiny bit and let her trust us more and she would giggle when she fell and we would grab her and run around the house screaming “SHE TRUSTS ME, SHE TRUSTS ME!” it made a big difference, and during a few tough Times when she was older we would remember that game metaphorically to make a point.

    It’s never too late mom and dad. Creativity has no boundaries for age or anything. I know you are so tired. I know. I know you didn’t do anything to deserve this. I know. I know you wouldn’t trade even the hardest day if it meant you had to lose one moment of precious time with your child. I know. But you are stronger than you think during those moments. You DO have everything it takes to reach down inside you to create moments that are like deposits in your trust bank. Let us call it “proactive discussion”.

    We are still creating games and situations for our daughter to trust us. It was so hard this summer putting her into a 5 wk summer camp for the vision impaired. Especially because she didn’t want to go. Plus we like our summers together and would never consider her going even one week.… but I knew she had reached an age where she would benefit so much by being around others with the same disability. I knew it was a safe place for her to gain independence… And I knew it was another opportunity for her to trust me.

    So amidst an hourly entourage of protest that lasted for days I finally sat down to have a serious talk with her. I asked her to trust me. How? I gave her my word ( *and was prepared to back it up!*) that as long as she tried hard to have a good attitude and look for fun, and expect to enjoy it, then after three days of her trying hard, I would take her out of the camp if she was still not having fun. That’s good right? She should trust me and say, “OK mom, let’s do it!” NOT! After that, she wanted to get an idea of ‘how it would work’ if she tried hard and on day three told me she wanted out. Reaching down into the deepest part of me for strength to continue this “pro active discussion”, I said, “lets role-play”

    So we role-played several scenarios that could possibly happen… We went through at least three long scenarios and I still had to reason with her and point out how I am trying to work with her and offering a lot to her and that I would appreciate her trust. She finally said with a genuine tonethat she would try.

    … and guess where she is as I type this, right now? She is on week five of the camp for vision impaired:)
    I didn’t lose the opportunity to use a ‘life event to build trust’, by not engaging in proactive discussion.

    Ok, so did I let that opportunity to say “I told you so” sneak by? No way! I didn’t use those words of course, but I made sure to point out how she did such a great job trusting and making effort. I pointed out how much it paid off because she loves her new friends so much and nurtured her relationships with some of her old friends. So many wonderfulthings have come out of just this one test. More proactive discussion.

    Oh, and you better believe I asked her, “see how mama knows what’s good for her girl?” Because by asking her, it creates the opportunity for her to speak aloud and say yes mom you know best. Trustometer BUST! Lol:)

    All parents want their child to trust them and they want it now and that’s normal, because we all naturally expect and hope for normal. Knowledge and education about attachment disorder doesn’t make that go away so we have to suppress and compromise and retire certain ideas and dreams. I do not say that lightly because giving up dreams no matter how big or small is extremely painful. So painful that even when we come to terms with the reality that we must make new dreams if we want happiness… We still hold tight to the old one secretly in her heart, and on the worst days in our own sadness we dig them up and cry over that pain once more. True fulfillment in the relationship cannot come until we let go of what cannot be and start celebrating the new dreams and all that CAN be!
    Picture in your mind if you need to. The unfulfilled dream and disappointment tied to a big red helium balloon and let it go….and move on and enjoy this amazing child that you have. This precious person who will teach you and help you grow into a greater human being than you ever dreamed you could be. I’m sharing my heart, not because I have it all figured out. Many hard times lead to just a few solutions and anything can change on any given day. Still if this makes sense to one parent, and makes a difference for one child.… If it provides a shortcut to bypass any amount of pain and suffering… It was worth the two hours it took me to put my thoughts into words for you.

    For you are me and I am you…
    For who understands this like we do?
    So you be there for me and I’ll be there for you.
    Together we’ll see each moment through.
    Thankful for the gift of each day new…
    to get better at creating the peace we ensue.

    My credentials????

    Mom of a child with reactive attachment disorder.

    RAD-MOM.

  35. What a beautiful reply!
    I agree with everything Carole said and also if you can possibly share with your daughter my comment below because the things that I wrote are things that were taught to me and really helped me understand my daughter. I have had anger issues my whole life, so believe me they were triggered severely, but… Please allow me to say this… (Now I’m crying)… God loves these children so desperately and He loves your daughter so desperately, and He loves you so desperately too. He loves us all and he has a way for healing, strength, peace and restoration. Please try to believe that as you move forward with a heart of love, forgiveness and excitement for all that He has for you your daughter and your grandson. You must be an amazing woman, mom and Grandma and I’m very thankful that you’re there for your grandson. God bless you.

  36. HI, I can really relate as well. 2 brothers adopted ages 3 and 6, taken from bio mom for neglect and spent 2 yrs in foster homes , my husband has withdrawn from their lives, they r 18 and 21 now, due to conflict. My family says they aren’t disciplined, but they were , but traditional consequences really didn’t work. So frustrating, and sad…

  37. Thank you for your comments. I’ve come to understand that attachment and trauma can turn mom into the “nurturing enemy.” Dad isn’t targeted so much. I know what it feels like to hang on by a thread. Please let me know if you’re interested in coaching! I believe it would help.

  38. Thank you! I needed to hear this today!

    We have six kids, four were adopted when I remarried. I love each and everyone, each and everyday, but it is very isolating.

    I am constantly checking pockets, correcting, dealing with inappropriate behavior in public. My family is always wondering why I am so mean.

    It has been a whole new world, from having the two perfect children that always did everything right and won the awards.

    Now I am just as proud when we make it through a WalMart without shoplifting! I love all my kids, but I just needed to hear this today. Thanks.

  39. My husband and I did divorce and he tried to get full custody of our son. The judge wouldn’t hear of it. He may try again because my son is so miserable with me. I understand. Can I just say that? I Understand your HELL. I pray there is a happy ending but divorce seems to give the RAD child/ren even more fuel for their fire. May God bless you and keep you safe.

  40. Hi Jennifer, I just now saw your comment-so sorry.Thanks for reading my blog and commenting. I totally understand what you are saying! It’s so tough. I hope it helps to know you are not alone!!

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