Colorado Life Coach-Lessons in the Tension

On the verge…

In many areas of my life, I feel like I’m on the verge…

I’ve been learning a lot about so many things and feel like God is asking me to share what I’ve learned.  I wrote a book about our family’s experience of adoption last year.  It was difficult to write, but it helped me get it all out and down on paper.  I thought that was the way I would share what I’ve learned.  Turns out, publishers won’t talk to me about a memoir unless I’m as famous as Bill Clinton or Mother Theresa.  I’m just a mom in a sea of moms.

I am restructuring the book to be more about why ALL relationships can be hard.  I’ve learned people don’t really want to know about your little story.  They want to know how your story impacts them.  I know I have learned things that others might want to know, but it’s been a struggle trying to figure out how to get the message out.  I’m on the verge…

I’ve been on the verge many times in my life.  I remember when we were waiting for our first child.  We were on the verge of being parents for a long time.  Infertility, miscarriage, 1 adoption that never quite got going, and finally the birth and adoption of our son, Brendan finally made us parents!  I felt like I’d never be a mom, but it wasn’t true.

A friend of mine watched her last child graduate from high school a few years ago.  She loves her family and being a mom, but she was excited to have time for herself after the kids were through with school.  She told me, “every time I turn around, huge things happen that prevent me from being able to do what I want to do.  I see other people doing it, but it feels like if I don’t make an effort to do things I need to do, it won’t ever happen.”  Things with her kids consume her energy and she ends up frustrated.  She’s on the verge…

Here are some things I’ve learned living on the verge…

  1. Life, like music, needs both tension and release.  Sometimes I feel like I’m playing 2 keys right next to each other on the piano, over and over again.  It is great to have dissonance here and there, but the resolution sure feels great when it comes!
  2. Sometimes you need to push to get to resolution.  Like when I was 9 months pregnant with Katie, and thought I would be the only woman in the history of the world to NOT have her baby.  It only felt like that.  I did eventually have my daughter!  The verge does come to an end…or a beginning.
  3. Sometimes you need to settle in to the feeling of being on the verge… Sometimes there is nothing you can do, but wait, trust God, and learn to be OK without the resolution.  It will eventually come, but sometimes you have to just wait!
  4. Learn to live in the now and the not yet.  It’s hard to enjoy the present if you are consumed with the future.
  5. Most things worth doing don’t come right away.  Weight loss, changing eating habits, relationship changes, overcoming addictions, growth of any kind, or accomplishing something you’ve always wanted to do.

Living on the verge…

It can feel uncomfortable, but it can be the start of something wonderful.

This post is brought to you by Carrie O’Toole, Colorado Life Coach



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